(Sometimes you cannot sit still during meditation at a certain hour. How should you adjust in that situation?)
If your body cannot stay seated, it is enough for your mind to remain settled. When you cannot sit still, stand up.
(Is this a common phenomenon, or does it vary from person to person?)
You care too much about the time of day. You are holding on to too much, so at certain hours you cannot let go. There is an obstruction—an obstruction in your mind.
(So this is also a state of the nature of mind.)
All of it is a matter of your nature of mind. First, let go of that time. We are not taking the path of time; in the end, the path we are taking is another path, and that path has no time. Time matters too, you could say, because we have bodies. Time affects us—through the ziwu liuzhu cycle, through the meridians—and that is no problem.
But now, aren’t you following me? I am taking you along a path without time, so you have to let go of time. Understand?
(I find myself very puzzled. When I sit at that time, it does not feel very comfortable. Then, when I miss those times, I feel very good. That is what happens.)
If we have to put it a certain way, you have a body, so you are affected by time and space. You should know that the hours are related to the movements of the sun and the universe. They follow a pattern. For you, a human being is a universe. There is resonance, and there is a cycle. This is perfectly normal.
(Should I keep sitting, or switch to another time? What do you think?)
It is up to you. Use the wisdom you have in that moment to decide; there is no fixed rule. If, in that moment, you think you should continue, then continue. If you think it will not work—‘I am going to get up from meditation and adjust my state of mind’—then get up and adjust your state of mind. With your wisdom, you can completely resolve these issues.
(Do the first and fifteenth days of the lunar month have much effect? In the lunar calendar, there are many times when it is the first or fifteenth.)
I do not think they affect you much. It depends on which path you are taking.
(Teacher, I feel that there is one place where I am especially attached. When I was doing sitting meditation a few days ago, I felt very clear. But when I suddenly thought of my child, my blood immediately surged.)
(When I thought of him, I found myself wondering: Would he do his homework at home? How would he do on this exam? My attachment arose all at once. Then I felt that he is what I am most attached to in my mind. When he does well, I am happy; when he does poorly, my heart knots up especially tightly. So I want to know: if I do not get caught up over him in this respect, will he naturally do well, or what?)
The most important thing is that you get caught up in it, and it does nothing to him. It is not about what will happen if you do not get caught up; it is that you are getting caught up now, while he is doing perfectly well. What are you getting caught up over? You know this principle. If you sit there getting caught up, does he get better? You get caught up, but nothing changes for him; you have no effect. Educate him when he needs educating. But when you are sitting in meditation and getting caught up, how does that help him?
This is the point, just this little point: because he is your child, surely you can be happy without getting caught up, right? Because happiness is mine—that is the point. So, on this point, sometimes you just have to let him go. When you cannot let go, think: ‘He is mine.’ If he were someone else’s child, you would not get caught up.
Besides, every child has their own destiny; they have their own… But as parents, you should educate them. They complete the rest themselves. They have to act out their own TV series. You only play their parents in it, playing two roles.
You only need to fulfill your role as a parent. They act out their own drama; they have their own destiny. You only educate them: if they listen, they listen; if they do not, they do not. They have minds of their own. That is OK—what are you getting caught up over?
(Sometimes I tell myself: “I do not need to get caught up. Whether you do well or not, I only need to guide you a little. Do not concern yourself with the result—but this mind…”)
The mind gradually opens. This getting caught up is still because you want him to be good and cannot bear him not being good; it is the side of you that craves perfection. In other words, you crave it in things like cleaning: your home must be spotless and very clean. If there is defilement, you cannot sit still.
This is all the side of you that craves purity. The point is not the child; it is that you insist he reach some state, that he must be good. If he is not good, you think it is unacceptable, and you cannot stand it. It is like having a cockroach in your home—you cannot stand it, you know?
A child will do many things in his life. There are things he needs to try. Even if he drives along bouncing around and crashes into a wall, that is his experience. You cannot stand it, you know?
He has his own way of cultivating himself and growing in his nature of mind; he grows in his own way, he lives through this life in his own way. Sometimes he is mischievous; sometimes he may get a zero on an exam—no problem. But as a parent, you only educate him: ‘That is not right.’ The child is growing gradually, so as a parent, do what you can to supervise him; do not let him be in danger, and let him grow up healthy. But some things in his nature of mind, he has to mature on his own.
(So if my wisdom opens, I will not feel troubled here anymore.)
Certainly not, certainly not. You will still clean your room very thoroughly. But when there is some dirt, you will laugh; if there is some grime, you will laugh out loud. You will not say, ‘I cannot sleep, and I cannot sit still.’ You will laugh and wipe it away, but you will not be so troubled, and your mind will not stay hung up on it.
It has to open, but opening requires some methods—some methods of cultivation. For example, when you get caught up over your child, you say: ‘I am sitting here. What use is getting caught up?’ This kind of getting caught up is useless.
If your child has a problem, just talk to him about it. What use is getting caught up? Tell yourself, ‘If there is defilement, I just wipe it away,’ and so on—that is how it is. You gradually persuade yourself, then have a dialogue with yourself. Then you keep practicing; you become increasingly clear, your attachments gradually lessen, and gradually…
Do not crave being spotless. Clarity is not the same as being spotless. It is not that clarity has no impurities; your mind is clear. Clarity is a state of mind. The table may be covered in dirt, but your mind is clear. This world is defiled, but your mind is clear. It is not spotless, with not a speck of dust; it is not like that.
At first, clarity includes both defilement and purity, dirt, and your distinctions. But when your mind is unobstructed, that is clarity. Not clinging to appearances, not being obstructed. It takes a process.
Note: This text was prepared from a teaching video by Yang Ning. If it differs from the video, the video takes precedence. Watch the video.