Don’t Punish Yourself for Other People’s Mistakes

So you compete fairly, right? Some people may use somewhat underhanded tactics. If you feel you can’t do that, then losing is no big deal. Some things are our bottom line; even if that means we lose, we can’t do them, right? Some people can.

(Even if you lose, sometimes that may not be a bad thing.)

Right. If you break through every bottom line, throw away dignity, status—everything—to reach that goal, what meaning does it have? You reach the goal for our happiness and well-being; if you give up everything to achieve it, do you think you’re happy? You’re just fighting to prove a point, seeking that title, or seeking how others see you. Then you’re already suffering. It has already lost its meaning; even if you get it, it has already lost its meaning. It will warp you, and life will become exhausting.

(Then how do you come to terms with it?)

What do you mean, how? Let go—how do you come to terms with things? Relief ultimately comes down to this: What do you want? Figure out how you actually intend to live this life. I think sometimes we should stop in our tracks. No matter where we are, we should stop and ask: What is the meaning of life?

This is very important: once you have thought through what the meaning of your life is, you will know when to stop with certain things. As for gain and loss, you will find that many people’s lives are bewildered: they cannot be happy, cannot be joyful. Some people never think about this; they stay busy each day with eating, drinking, using the toilet, and sleeping. The basics of life are simply earning money and supporting a family, and they are too busy even to think.

But in fact, our hearts need somewhere to belong in this life, don’t they? I think a sense of belonging is important. People think getting married gives them a place to belong, but they are still uneasy. Marriage does not… I think the most important thing is that, in a person’s life, the most important place to belong is finding love.

When you feel that you love and are loved, and feel that you have found that true love, I think life becomes meaningful, whatever you do. Whether poor or suffering, whether in office or not, whether eating poor food or delicacies, all of it is fine. Without love, there is nothing; it is people without love who become jealous, resentful, angry, and caught up in struggle.

Look at so many officials and leaders—those men. They rise to high office, make enormous amounts of money, and in the end, where do they fall? They fall into sexual indulgence. Aren’t they still looking for love? In fact, they are still empty. But because their love is not satisfied, they change women ten times a day, and still cannot be satisfied; they keep changing.

Deep down everyone longs for love—a pure, holy, unchanging love. That’s what they crave. In other words, the more money he makes, the higher office he holds, and the more he attracts people’s attention, the more he still hopes everyone will love him.

Deep down, that is: he holds high office, becomes president, or makes himself a billionaire. He wants to be famous, for everyone to know him. Isn’t that power and status of his ultimately meant to make everyone fall in love with him, admire him, love him, and then make him visible? Otherwise, amid all sentient beings, how could he make himself stand out? His sense of achievement is all for manifesting the self.

Otherwise, without love we feel empty. Without love—if there is love, even repetition can be sweet. No—deep down each of us has something very deep within. We come from our parents’ love; we come from that thing. Actually, we mistakenly think this comes from what others give us, or from falling in love with someone ourselves. That is wrong.

Deep down, each person has something unmoving; in fact, it comes to manifest in the human realm. It seems to be searching for a love; with love, it feels at ease. But that love may not be the feeling we imagine, nor love based on blood ties, nor love between spouses—not that kind of love. If you insist on explaining it, you can call it compassion, or the Tathāgata, or the Dao: love without a self. But this is not on the level of consciousness. Once you find it, everything is OK.

No, when we have something to let go of, we still cannot let it go. That is, if you have one thing to put down, you will surely pick up another; we always put this down and pick up another, put this down and pick up that. In the end you discover there is nothing left to put down, and then you are at ease. Nothing is worth putting down or picking up; you simply follow conditions and do what you should, rather than saying you are worth… Nothing is worth putting down or worth picking up. Even while in this deficiency, if you remain at ease, this is the beginning of liberation.

(Then how do I go about finding this love?)

Cultivate; cultivate. Through cultivation and realization, and also through compassion. Through the Buddha’s wisdom—no, wisdom is this: you discover that when a person has greed, anger, delusion, arrogance, and doubt; when a person is selfish and full of self, sometimes it is not that they want to be this way. They are this way because they lack wisdom.

Because of self and lack of wisdom, this person doesn’t know that the things they pursue are illusory; doesn’t know where this path leads; doesn’t know what they are doing. They truly don’t know, just as if they were ill.

That is why the Buddha and Bodhisattvas have greater compassion for the more evil such people: the more severe their illness, the farther they have drifted from returning to the refuge within themselves, from returning to the source. Sometimes they accidentally create karma and even fall into hell.

Because everyone lives for the self. Because there is a self, a whole series of things arises: right and wrong, defiled and pure, evil and good. Because there is a self, relative to me, everything appears: beautiful and ugly.

But the Buddha says that the self is illusory; you cannot find a true self there. If the self is illusory, you won’t be selfish, because toward whom would you be selfish? Ultimately you must attain complete enlightenment that this self is illusory. When the self is let go, everything else appears: happiness, wholeness, love—all these things are there.

When there is a self, there is always deficiency; always defiled and pure, good and evil, good and bad. The self was never there to begin with; you simply haven’t seen through it. Yes, you are confined within this body, thinking that you exist, thinking there is something here, a self, and then you will never…

You identify yourself as “I am this consciousness and this body.” The Buddha says, The Four Elements Are Empty: this body is not you, nor are thoughts, consciousness, or anything that moves. But we keep merely hearing this, without reflecting or truly thinking about it.

(If there is no self, I won’t be able to find myself.)

No, when you completely let go of the self, what is whole and complete will appear. It isn’t that the self disappears—then how would I live? Without a self, whom would I live as? If there is no self, that is your original nature. This is the most important thing in Buddhism: to seek the original you; that is who you originally are. When there is no bondage of self, you know that you are everywhere and can do anything; that is the real you. With a self, you are very small; we live like worms.

All cultivation is this: break through the self and return to what we originally are. Your original face—you are that Buddha. Without a self, Buddha-nature manifests. With a self, you are forever a small animal, a small human being.

(But at present, in daily life, I really don’t have the conditions to cultivate.)

But all of it is cultivation. Actually, this is what you are asking about: people in the criminal underworld, evil people. In Buddhism, breaking through the self is taught through the six perfections—six methods, six tools—for breaking through the self.

Among giving, upholding the precepts, and patience, the third is patience. If you want to return to your original nature, you need patience and tolerance. That is, you no longer seek repayment, understanding, or anything at all; you always stand in others’ shoes and think about things; you always feel sorry for them and have compassion for them. The more evil you think they are, the more pitiful you find them, because they lack wisdom; they don’t understand, don’t know their evil will bring karmic retribution. And when they do evil, they suffer quite a lot too.

That is, if we believe what the Buddha says—that good deeds bring good results—it is only that the time has not come; that’s all. We change first and practice goodness, but others remain evil. When we can’t change anything, it is only that your goodness has not reached its time, and you haven’t done enough. You do it once, feel it doesn’t work, and give up again. If you continue to be tolerant, continue to show tolerance, there is nothing that cannot be changed; the power of compassion is immense.

(Sometimes it makes evil even more evil.)

OK, on the surface that’s how it looks. But if you don’t show compassion, will he change? Can you change him? Sooner or later someone who can change him will come along. Besides, if he breaks the law, there is the law.

First, there is the law. Second, his evil results will ripen; he will receive karmic retribution. There may even be someone more tolerant. Someone will always subdue him; his natural enemy will come, and he will eventually be subdued. But perhaps you cannot subdue him. If you are not tolerant, he will not change; if you oppose him head-on, aren’t you indulging evil? You are indulging it together with him, aren’t you? Once you start taking offense, aren’t you just stooping to his level?

If we think this person is evil, think he is in the wrong, why bother? If he is in the wrong and you act this way, aren’t you also in the wrong? What difference is there between you and him? Aren’t you different? If he is wrong and you take issue with him, is that really different—about the same? We always say, “He hurt me,” and so on. What does “hurt” mean? You have clung to his appearance, to that evil appearance of his.

If you don’t cling to appearances, you simply leave him alone. He says what he says; he does what he does—he hasn’t harmed a hair on your head. You do what you do, go about your work; he says what he says. Can you stop his mouth? What else can you do? He does what he does. If he is not putting you in mortal danger, and his harm to you and impact on your life and work are not too great, do your best to leave him alone.

But if he actually harms you and leaves you unable to work or live, then you should oppose him head-on and seek justice. What should you do? Use legal means; use whatever you can. That is simply legitimate self-defense. But deep down, you simply can’t be bothered with him.

First of all, your inner state is what matters most. If a wolf comes, you still need a gun; if it bites you to death, how else would you survive? But most important is that, in your heart, you have compassion for him, thinking, “Look, he is terribly ill,” rather than hatred and anger. If there is anger, that kind of hatred, and deep down you keep remembering, “How can this person be so evil? He keeps hurting me,” then you are truly using him to punish yourself.

You must train your own attitude—the state of mind you have when facing these people. That’s what matters. What you do is unimportant, whether you strike back or show tolerance; the important thing is what attitude you use toward the matter. That is a matter of your character. Do you have the ability to look at these things and bear them?

Note: This text was prepared from a teaching video by Yang Ning. If it differs from the video, the video takes precedence. Watch the video.