…
It was the third day after New Year’s. Wu Aizhen had just seen off a few visiting friends and was arranging the flowers they had brought into two large vases when the telephone rang sharply. It was Zheng Meiqin.
“Dr. Wu, I knew you’d be working overtime again. I have huge, wonderful news: I’m pregnant.” By the final words, it was clear Zheng Meiqin was straining to contain her excitement; her voice was husky and trembling.
“Congratulations. I’m so happy for you and Ding Yiming.” Wu Aizhen was not at all surprised, but her steady tone carried genuine delight.
“Ding Yiming doesn’t know yet. A friend from Beijing is visiting City A, and he’s taken them out. I haven’t been feeling well these last few days, so I didn’t go. I want to wait until he comes home tonight and surprise him in a special way. You’re the first person I called after I saw the test results, because I feel you understand me. Apart from Ding Yiming, you’re the only one who can truly share this happiness with me right now.”
Over the line came Wu Aizhen’s soft laugh.
“Dr. Wu, you once told me to be grateful to life. I didn’t really understand then. But today, I am truly grateful. Life has given me so much — I feel so rich. I’m grateful for almost everything, especially for Ding Yiming and for you. Life has made me grow up, taught me the real meaning of happiness, and you and Ding Yiming have taught me how to cherish it — how to treasure the peace and love I already have.”
“Bless you, Meiqin. And the little one inside you, and Ding Yiming. May your whole family live in peace, joy, and good fortune in this lifetime.”
“Thank you, Dr. Wu. But I have a question I still want to ask. Ever since you taught me to sit in meditation, I’ve kept at it and can now sit for an hour. During this time, white dots of light often appear before my eyes. Am I beginning to experience meditative states?”
Wu Aizhen smiled at this. “You’re practicing well, but you must not try to distinguish what the light is or what it represents, nor wonder whether it marks a stage of Chan samadhi. In your whole cultivation, it is neither good nor bad. For a meditation practitioner, life itself is also a realm of experience; we already cling to enough. Besides, not everyone experiences meditative states. Not having them doesn’t mean your practice isn’t advancing, and it doesn’t mean you can’t attain accomplishment.”
“Still, there’s one strange thing I’d like to ask about. Lately, I often dream of people and events, and sometimes the same thing happens during the day. For example, last night I dreamed of Ding Yiming’s friend from Beijing, and today he brought his wife and child to visit City A. Can that really be coincidence?”
“Meiqin, don’t cling to these things. Even if you had foreknowledge in a dream, so what? You cannot dream every event that happens during the day. For a meditation practitioner, you may occasionally enter a state akin to Chan samadhi during sleep. For instance, many religious traditions have methods for practicing in dreams; the Secret School also has a ‘Dream Yoga Accomplishment Method.’ But no matter what Dharma door you study, the most important thing is to attain Right Knowledge and Right View. Once you have what is called the ‘definitive measure of Right Knowledge and Right View,’ you will never lose hold of your Buddha-nature in any state, and after emerging from a state there will be no trace of doubt. Whether entering or leaving samadhi, your mind remains clearly aware.
“Because meditative states are countless in their variety — some are past, some future, some from other dimensions, and many are illusions fabricated by the brain. When our meditation experience is still shallow, an ordinary white teacup, viewed in the state of Chan samadhi, may look like a giant white structure and we cannot recognize it as a teacup at all. An ordinary mosquito, seen in Chan samadhi, may appear as a human-sized vampire. When you have a sore throat, the bacteria in the throat, viewed in Chan samadhi, look like hungry ghosts. Even the light we cannot see and the sounds we cannot hear may be life-forms from another dimension. With the wisdom we have at the start of our practice, we simply cannot tell them apart. What is more, when cultivation reaches a certain depth, the innate luminous nature of the mind may manifest: whatever the mind thinks of appears within the light — truly, ‘wishes come true.’ But all of this can become a stray path for the Chan meditation practitioner. To protect the practitioner, if there is no enlightened teacher nearby, the best thing is to regard everything as illusion and not to make distinctions. Even if something from a dream does happen the next day, just treat it as coincidence. At your present level of cultivation and realization and with your present capacity for mindful awareness, a dream is not even one-third reliable.”
“All right, I understand. I won’t cling to it, and now the curiosity is gone. I’ll practice according to my own capacity, just as you say. But now that I’m pregnant, can I still sit for long periods?”
“Don’t sit too long. When you feel tired, rest. Because you’re just beginning your practice, the energy channels in your legs aren’t fully open yet; sitting too long will hinder the circulation of qi and blood. You need proper exercise, a balance of work and rest. And more importantly, stay cheerful. Since you’re an older mom-to-be now, take extra care. If you need help with anything, call me.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll take excellent care of the baby inside me and myself. You should also rest properly — don’t always work overtime. I’ve just had a small insight: perhaps some wishes need only to be waited for in stillness, and in that waiting, good fortune will quietly arrive. I also wish for you to soon find the sweetness and joy you’ve been waiting for!”
“Thank you, Meiqin. Take good care.”
She hung up. Wu Aizhen sat behind her desk, quietly reflecting for a moment. Her eyes fell once more on the two characters hanging on the wall: Chan yi — “the spirit of Chan.” They had been written by her Master. Originally they had hung in the study of her home; now she had brought them to this small office. Whenever she paused in stillness, she would gaze at them silently…
She gathered her thoughts, opened the computer on her desk, and found an email from Ding Yiming: “Dr. Wu, I have finished reading your three retreat diaries and been deeply moved. The Vajra Sutra says in a verse: ‘Those who see me in form, or seek me through sound, are walking a deviant path and cannot see the Tathagata.’ I hope you will explain this for me.”
A faint smile crossed Wu Aizhen’s face, and a touch of admiration rose in her heart. She replied as follows:
If you have a mind dwelling in the past, then there are the marks of self, others, sentient beings, and life. “Those who see me in form, or seek me through sound” — you walk a deviant path and cannot see the Tathagata. The Tathagata is within your past mind.
If you have a mind dwelling in the present, then there are the marks of self, others, sentient beings, and life. “Those who see me in form, or seek me through sound” — you walk a deviant path and cannot see the Tathagata. The Tathagata is within your present mind.
If you have a mind dwelling in the future, then there are the marks of self, others, sentient beings, and life. “Those who see me in form, or seek me through sound” — you walk a deviant path and cannot see the Tathagata. The Tathagata is within your future mind.
If you have a distinguishing mind, then “those who see me in form, or seek me through sound” — you walk a deviant path and cannot see the Tathagata. The Tathagata is within your distinguishing mind…
If you have the perfect, all-embracing mind of the Dharma Realm, your very mind is the Tathagata. The Tathagata is present in every dependent origination within the Dharma Realm.
After replying to Ding Yiming’s email, she began writing and compiling her first Buddhist textbook. As her fingers danced over the keyboard, it was as though an unending stream of wisdom flowed from the hearts of her teachers into her own heart, and then out through her fingertips. She returned to the Dharma Realm, returned to the ocean of her own Buddha-nature. Every word that emerged was a manifestation of her life. She and those words were one — there was only love, with no “person” at all!
May all sentient beings of the Three Realms live in peace, joy, and happiness!
May all sentient beings of the Three Realms swiftly attain liberation from the cycle of rebirth in the Six Paths!
This was the deepest wish of Wu Aizhen’s heart.
Completed in Guangzhou, May 8, 2008.
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